A Manager’s Guide to Handling Conflict: What to Do When Two Employees Dislike Each Other

You can feel it in your stomach during the team meeting.

It’s a palpable tension. The air gets thick. You ask for opinions, and two of your key team members either stay silent or take subtle, passive aggressive shots at each other. You see the eye rolling. You notice the curt replies in the team chat.

Two of your people clearly, actively dislike each other, and it’s starting to poison the entire team. Productivity is dipping. Morale is suffering.

As a manager, your first instinct is to do what?

If you’re like most of us, your instinct is to ignore it. You hope it will just go away. You tell yourself, “They’re adults, they’ll figure it out,” or, “I don’t have time for this drama.” Many leaders choose to ignore existing tension to avoid rocking the boat, especially if they struggle with being vulnerable themselves.

I’ve been there. And I can tell you from experience: it never just goes away. It only gets worse.

When you, as the leader, avoid the conflict, you are silently approving of the behavior. The dysfunction spreads. Factions form. Your best people, the ones who hate the drama, will be the first to update their resumes.

Managing people is never easy, but this is one of the hardest parts of the job. You fear getting too personal, or not being personal enough to make a difference.

So, what do you do?

I’ve learned that you must make a critical mindset shift.

1. Your job is not to be a therapist or a judge. You are not there to “fix” their feelings or assign blame.
2. Your job is to be a facilitator. Your role is to guide a difficult, necessary conversation.
3. Your goal is not to make them like each other. That’s impossible. Your goal is to establish clear, professional, and respectful behaviors so they can work together effectively.

This isn’t just about conflict management. This is about building a foundation of psychological safety. It’s about showing your team that you will not let a toxic environment fester.

This is a practical, 5 step playbook I’ve used to handle this exact situation. It moves you from “frustrated boss” to “skilled facilitator.”

Step 1: Acknowledge the Situation (Don’t Ignore It)

Your first step is to simply acknowledge the situation out loud. You have to name the elephant in the room.

Ignoring it doesn’t just let the problem continue; it erodes your own authority. When you avoid having tough conversations, your team sees you as a leader who is either unaware or, worse, unwilling to lead.

Acknowledging and addressing the topic, on the other hand, can help build trust. It shows you are engaged and that you care about the health of the team.

This step is just for you. It’s the moment you decide, “I am going to handle this.” This is where you stop being a passive observer and start being an active leader.

Before you jump in, you have to do two things: check the system, and check yourself.

Step 2: Investigate (Talk to Each Person 1-on-1)

This is the most critical preparation phase. You never ambush the two individuals in a group setting. You must talk to each person separately first. This is your fact finding mission.

But before you even schedule those 1 on 1s, you must do two “pre steps.”

Pre Step 2A: Evaluate Your Own Biases

This is the moment for you to evaluate your own personal opinion of them. Be brutally honest with yourself.

Do you secretly like one employee more than the other? Do you find one of them “difficult” and the other “easy”? Have you already decided who is “right” and who is “wrong”?

If you have, you will fail. A biased mindset will stop you from helping them efficiently. You must enter this process as a neutral facilitator. Your frustration will not help.

You have to approach this situation with a core belief: “My team members are good people who are struggling with a real, and resolvable, issue.” You are not a judge. You are an investigator and a helper.

Also read: 10 Common Cognitive Biases & How to Overcome Them?

Pre Step 2B: Unearth the RealIssue (Is it Them, or the System?)

More often than not, conflict that looks “personal” is actually a “system” problem in disguise. Before you blame the individuals, you must look at the organization.

As a leader, you must get to the root of the conflict. Take a hard look at all the possible organizational aspects that may be causing the disconnect.

• Role Clarity: Is there a systemic condition causing this? Is it possible they dislike each other because their roles are unclear and they keep stepping on each other’s toes? Make sure there is absolute clarity about their individual roles and the respective expectations.
• Competing Rewards: Have you accidentally created a “winner takes all” environment? Do you have measures and rewards in place that promote unhealthy competition rather than collaboration? If you are rewarding both of them for the same metric, you may have created the conflict yourself.

If you find a system problem, your job is to fix the system. Sometimes, that alone will solve the personal conflict.

How to Run the 1-on-1 Meeting

Once you’ve checked your biases and the system, call each person in for a private meeting.

Set the stage simply: “I’ve noticed some tension between you and . It’s impacting the team. My goal here is not to take sides, but simply to understand your perspective. Can you help me see the situation from your point of view?”

Your only job here is to listen carefully.

• Practice Active Listening: You are not there to rebut, argue, or solve. You are there to gather data. Let them talk.
• Ask Open Ended Questions: “Can you give me a specific example?” “When that happened, what was the impact?” “What would a better outcome have looked like for you?”
• Get to Behaviors, Not Feelings: This is key. “Feelings” are hard to manage. “Behaviors” are not. If they say, “He’s arrogant and disrespects me!” you must dig deeper.
  • You: “Help me understand that. What specifically does he do or say that feels disrespectful?”
  • Them: “In the team meeting, when I give an idea, he rolls his eyes!”
  • You: “Okay, thank you. The ‘rolling of eyes’ is a specific behavior we can talk about. What else?”
• Set Expectations: End the meeting by thanking them for their honesty and explaining the next step. “This is very helpful. I am having the same conversation with . My goal is to bring us all together later this week so we can find a professional path forward. Our only goal for that meeting will be to agree on how we work together, not to re-live the past.”

Also read: Active Listening : An Underrated Skill Of 21st Century

Step 3: Facilitate the “Mediation” Meeting

This is the main event. Having finished your individual dialogues, it is now time for you to bring them both to a common table.

This is where your facilitation skills are paramount.

A) Set the Ground Rules (The Most Important Part)

You are the facilitator. You own the room and the process. You must start by setting clear, firm rules for the conversation.

“Thank you both for being here. I want to be very clear about our purpose. We are not here to be therapists, to assign blame, or to re-litigate every argument from the past. Our only goal is to find a professional, respectful way to work together to achieve our team goals.

To do that, we need to agree to a few rules for this conversation:

1. We will not interrupt. Each person will get a chance to speak without being cut off.
2. We will attack the problem, not the person. We will not use labels or make personal attacks.
3. We will focus on behaviors and outcomes, not on assumptions about what the other person is “thinking” or “feeling.”
4. We will use “I” statements, not “You” statements. (e.g., “When X happened, I felt…” not “You always…”)

“Can we both agree to these rules for this meeting?”

By getting their “yes,” you have created a new, safe space built on psychological safety.

B) Let Each Person Speak (The Facilitation)

This is where the journey so far will allow them to present their perspectives without seething resentment or animosity.

Ask one person to start. “Based on our 1 on 1, can you share your perspective on the specific challenges you are facing in your working relationship?”

Your job is to interject as little as possible. Let the conversation flow naturally, and watch the knots unfold on their own.

Your only job is to be the facilitator:

• Enforce the Rules: If one interrupts, you say, “Hold on, . We agreed to let everyone finish.”
• Clarify and Reflect: “So, , what I hear you saying is that when rolls his eyes, it makes you feel like your ideas are not valued. Is that correct?”
• Redirect Assumptions: Remind your team members that it is impossible to actually predict what the other person may be thinking or feeling. If they say, “He’s just trying to sabotage me!” you must gently nudge them back. “We can’t assume intent. Let’s stick to the specific behavior and the impact it had.”

Step 4: Pivot to the Future (Define the “New Contract”)

After 15 or 20 minutes (or however long it takes), you will reach a point where both sides have been heard. If you stay in this phase, you will just circle the drain of past grievances.

You, as the facilitator, must make a strong pivot to the future.

Say this: “Thank you both for sharing. It’s clear there have been a lot of misunderstandings and different working styles. But I’ve also heard that you both care about this team and the success of our project. So, the question now is: What do we do about it?“

This is where you move from “feelings” to “behaviors.” You are going to co-create their “New Contract” for working together.

• Find Common Ground: “Can we both agree that our shared goal is to make this project successful?” “Can we both agree that this tension is hurting the team’s morale?”
• Brainstorm New Behaviors: “What is one thing you each need from the other person to make your working relationship more professional?”
• Write It Down: This is critical. Open a document.
  • Bad Goal (Feelings): “We will be nicer to each other.” “We will be friends.”
  • Good Goal (Behaviors): “When we disagree in a meeting, we will commit to taking it offline, not debating it in front of the whole team.”
  • Good Goal (Behaviors): “We will respond to each other’s messages within 24 hours, even if it’s just to say ‘I’ve seen this and will get back to you.’”
  • Good Goal (Behaviors): “We will not use the team chat for passive aggressive comments. All feedback will be given 1 on 1.”

This written “contract” is their new, explicit standard of professional conduct. It’s not about liking each other. It’s about respecting each other as professionals.

Also read: Aligning Different Perspectives

Step 5: Follow Up (Create Accountability)

You have now done the hard work. But it is not “one and done.” The trust is fragile. Your final step is to create accountability.

End the meeting by saying: “This is an excellent plan. I am confident we can make this work. This is our new way of operating, and I am going to hold us all accountable to it. Let’s schedule a 15 minute check in next week just to see how we’re doing with our new contract.”

• Schedule a 15 minute check in for one week later.
• Schedule another 15 minute check in for one month later.

This shows you are serious. It shows this wasn’t just a single, painful meeting, but the start of a new, healthier process. It’s how you ensure the change sticks.

Also read: How to Give Effective Feedback

Conclusion: Your New Role as Team Facilitator

Investing this religiously in your team’s interpersonal relationships may sound like a lot of work. It is.

But the fruits are long term and multi fold. You will not only enhance the interpersonal relationships and productivity of your team, but you will also grow on your own leadership development journey.

You will have shown your entire team the importance of being vulnerable, having open communication, and addressing problems head on. You will have helped them grow and become better versions of themselves.

A Takeaway for L&D and HR Professionals: Workplace conflict is not an “HR problem” to be avoided. It is a “team development opportunity” to be embraced. Our job is to train our managers to be more than just managers; we must train them to be skilled facilitators. When we give them the skills and confidence to handle tough conversations, we are building a more resilient, open, and high performing culture.

If you’re ready to equip your leaders with the “manager as facilitator” skills they need, explore our solutions in Manager Capability Development and Conflict Management to build a more collaborative and effective team.