Interpersonal Effectiveness

You had me at hello!

By Tarika . April 5, 2018

Introduction: Beyond the First Hello

Table of Contents

Yes, Jerry Maguire is a personal favourite – and that iconic line, “You had me at hello,” continues to resonate. But if we step back and think about it in a professional context, it raises a powerful question:

Why do we instantly connect with some people, while others remain distant even after years of working together?

Is it chemistry? Shared interests? Similar backgrounds?

In our experience working across industries and teams, we’ve found that the answer lies deeper. It lies in shared values – the invisible threads that shape our decisions, behaviour, and judgments.

Related Reading: How Shared Values Can Empower A Team?

What’s Really Happening When We ‘Click’ With Someone?

We’ve all had those moments – — a new colleague, a client, even a facilitator — and something just clicks. We feel seen, heard, understood. It’s easy. It’s instant.

While it may seem like intuition, Malcolm Gladwell calls it “thin-slicing” — our brain’s ability to make rapid judgments based on limited information. And often, that judgment is rooted in shared values.

In our experience, people tend to build faster trust with those who seem to operate from similar internal compasses — what we value, what we’re intolerant of, what motivates us.

We may not articulate it in the moment. But we sense it. And that’s what makes the interaction feel effortless.

Related Reading: How Our Vibes Affect Us?

The Science (and Art) of Values Alignment

Organisations spend significant resources on hiring, team-building, and engagement. But very few ask the most foundational question: Do our people understand each other’s values?

Values alignment isn’t just about culture fit. It’s about predictability, trust, and respect. When we know what someone else values, we begin to understand:

What drives their decisions
What might trigger them
Where they’ll bend, and where they won’t

L&D Takeaway: Values-based learning journeys create the foundation for stronger collaboration and communication. They aren’t just feel-good activities — they are strategic trust-building tools.

Trust Begins with Vulnerability, Not the Other Way Around

Most people assume that trust precedes vulnerability. But research (and our own experience facilitating team workshops) suggests the opposite:

Vulnerability precedes trust.

We’ve seen this in action. When team members share their fears, quirks, or moments of failure, others don’t pull back. They lean in. Because vulnerability humanises people.

What does this look like in a team setting?

A manager openly admitting when they made a wrong call
A team member sharing what they value in feedback – and what shuts them down
Colleagues opening up about what makes them feel respected

These conversations might feel risky at first. But done right, they change the team dynamic.

In our experience, teams that learn to be real with each other early on are quicker to collaborate, recover from setbacks, and innovate.

Real Trust Takes Intentional Design, Not Just Time

There’s a myth in organisations: trust will naturally develop over time. But time doesn’t equal trust: just like proximity doesn’t equal connection.

We’ve worked with teams who’ve sat next to each other for years, but never built true rapport. Why? Because no one made space for meaningful conversations.

Here’s what helps:

Structured values exploration sessions
Safe spaces to talk about working styles, triggers, aspirations
Leadership modeling vulnerability first

L&D Takeaway: Psychological safety doesn’t happen automatically. It needs frameworks, facilitation, and consistent reinforcement.

Values Exercises: Not Just “Feel-Good” Activities

We’ve often had clients ask, “Will a values exercise actually impact business outcomes?” Our answer is always: absolutely – if done right.

Here’s what we’ve seen work:

Team values canvassing: Each member lists their top 3 values, and then discusses overlap and tension.
Values in action: Teams reflect on how values show up in meetings, conflict, recognition.
Personal stories: Leaders share how their values shaped a key decision or career pivot.

These activities go far beyond “ice-breakers.” They’re about creating a shared language and deeper understanding.

In one of our workshops, a leader opened up about why punctuality mattered so much to her – stemming from a childhood memory. That moment changed how the entire team viewed her expectations, and reduced friction instantly.

Leading With Intent: Are You Designing for Trust?

If you’re a leader, your team is looking to you not just for direction, but connection.

“Shaadi kar lo, pyaar tho ho hi jayega” doesn’t work for relationships — or for teams.

Intentional trust-building is now a leadership skill. Not a nice-to-have, but a must-have.

Ask yourself:

Do my team members know what I value?
Have I created space for them to share what matters to them?
Do we talk about more than just deliverables?

If the answer to any of these is no, now is a good time to begin.

L&D Insight: Leadership development programs should include modules on emotional openness, values conversations, and building connection beyond performance metrics.

But What If It Goes Wrong?

Yes, values conversations require sensitivity. If done poorly, they can feel forced, awkward, or even unsafe.

We’ve seen the difference first-hand. A well-facilitated session brings energy and connection. A rushed or surface-level one? It invites eye-rolls or worse – silence.

What helps:

Neutral, trained facilitators
Clear ground rules for confidentiality and respect
Voluntary sharing – never forced
Leadership vulnerability first

Pro tip: Don’t aim to “fix” anything in one session. Think of it as planting seeds for ongoing trust.

Final Thoughts: You Can’t Rely on ‘Hello’ Forever

That instant connection – the “you had me at hello” moment – is beautiful when it happens. But real trust needs more.

In our experience, the most cohesive teams are not built on chemistry, but on clarity. Clarity about what each person values, how they prefer to work, and what makes them feel included.

So, the next time you’re wondering why a team feels disconnected, don’t just ask what they’re doing. Ask what they’re not saying.

Because the journey from strangers to collaborators doesn’t begin with tasks. It begins with trust.

And trust begins with values.