I Was Holding Myself Back at Work. Sheryl Sandberg’s ‘Lean In’ Taught Me How to Sit at the Table.

I remember the feeling distinctly. I was in a high stakes project meeting, sitting slightly back from the main conference table. I had an idea, a potential solution to the problem everyone was debating. But as the conversation swirled around me, dominated by louder, more senior voices, I hesitated. Is my idea fully baked? What if they think it is stupid? Maybe I should just wait and see. By the time I had mustered the courage, the moment had passed. The meeting ended, and my idea remained unspoken, unheard. 🤷

This was not an isolated incident. Looking back, I realized how often I was metaphorically (and sometimes literally) sitting on the sidelines of my own career. I downplayed my accomplishments. I hesitated to negotiate for what I deserved. I assumed opportunities would come to me if I just worked hard enough. I was, in essence, holding myself back.

Then I read Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. It felt less like reading a book and more like having a series of uncomfortable but necessary conversations with a very direct mentor. Sandberg put words to feelings I had barely acknowledged and shone a spotlight on the subtle ways women often internalize societal biases and limit their own ambitions. While the world certainly needs to change to achieve true gender equity, Lean In was a powerful, personal call to action. It provided a playbook for stepping up, speaking out, and claiming my seat at the table. Here are the lessons that resonated most deeply.

Lesson 1: Sit at the Table (Literally and Figuratively) – Claim Your Space

This is perhaps the most famous takeaway from the book. Sandberg observed that in meetings, women often physically sit on the periphery, while men gravitate towards the main table. This physical positioning becomes a metaphor for a larger pattern: women sometimes hesitate to claim their space, voice their opinions, or assert their presence in critical discussions. Leaning in starts with the simple, physical act of pulling your chair up to the table where decisions are being made and ensuring your voice is heard. It is a conscious choice to be an active participant, not a passive observer. 🪑

• Your Move: In your next important meeting, make a point to sit at the main table. Prepare one key point or question beforehand and commit to sharing it. Raise your hand. Do not wait to be called upon.

Also read: What’s Holding Women Back In Leadership Roles?

Lesson 2: Tame the Imposter Syndrome – Own Your Success

So many high achieving women suffer from imposter syndrome, the persistent feeling that they are not truly qualified and will eventually be “found out” as a fraud. This leads women to attribute their successes to luck or external factors, while internalizing failures. Lean In urges women to combat this by consciously acknowledging their skills and accomplishments. Track your wins. Practice accepting praise gracefully. Understand that your success is earned, not accidental. ✨

• Your Move: Start a “Success Jar” or a simple document. Every week, write down one specific accomplishment, big or small. When feelings of self doubt creep in, review your list. Share your successes matter of factly, just as you would report data.

Lesson 3: Don’t Leave Before You Leave – Keep Your Foot on the Gas Pedal

Sandberg observed a phenomenon where women, anticipating future family responsibilities, sometimes start “leaning back” from career opportunities years before they actually need to. They decline promotions, avoid challenging assignments, or stop raising their hands, subtly taking themselves out of the running for future leadership roles. The advice is clear: do not make potentially career limiting decisions based on circumstances you are not yet in. Keep your foot on the gas pedal. Keep seeking challenges and growth until the moment you actually need to make a change. 🚀

• Your Move: Before declining a new opportunity or deciding not to apply for a promotion, ask yourself: “Am I making this decision based on my current reality, or based on a future I am only anticipating?” Make choices for the present.

Lesson 4: Make Your Partner a Real Partner – The Revolution at Home

Lean In powerfully argues that the most important career decision a woman makes is who she chooses as her life partner. Achieving true equality at work requires achieving true equality at home. Sandberg advocates for women to expect and encourage their partners to be fully engaged co parents and household managers. When domestic responsibilities are shared equitably, women have more bandwidth and energy to lean in fully to their careers. 🏡

• Your Move: Initiate an open conversation with your partner about the division of labor at home. Approach it as a team, aiming for a fair distribution that supports both partners’ ambitions and well being.

Also read: Book Learning: Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg 2 (Note: Linking to the other Lean In review)

Lesson 5: Seek Feedback and Find Sponsors – Build Your Support System

Mentors offer advice, but sponsors actively advocate for your advancement. Lean In emphasizes the critical importance of finding sponsors, senior people who will use their influence to create opportunities for you. Additionally, actively solicit honest, constructive feedback. While positive reinforcement is nice, critical feedback, delivered well, is the fuel for growth. Do not shy away from it; seek it out. 🤝

• Your Move: Identify potential sponsors within your organization. Build relationships by consistently delivering excellent work and making your ambitions known. Simultaneously, proactively ask trusted colleagues and your manager for specific, actionable feedback: “What is one thing I could do differently to be more effective in my role?”

Also read: Why Feedback Matters

A Call to Courage

Lean In is not without its critics, and it is crucial to acknowledge that systemic barriers and biases play a huge role in gender inequality. The book does not pretend to solve those larger issues. But what it does offer is a powerful, practical, and deeply personal call to action for individual women. It challenges us to examine the internal barriers, the self doubts, and the societal messages that may be holding us back.

It reminded me that while I cannot single handedly change the world, I can choose to pull my chair up to the table. I can choose to own my accomplishments. I can choose to keep my foot on the gas. Reading Lean In did not magically solve all my problems, but it gave me the language and the courage to start taking control of my own narrative. It gave me permission to lean in. 💪If you are looking to empower the women in your organization and build a more inclusive leadership pipeline, explore FocusU’s programs designed to foster confidence and capability at FocusU.