For years, I believed that being a leader meant being impenetrable. It meant having all the answers, projecting unwavering confidence, and never, ever letting them see you sweat. Vulnerability? That was kryptonite. It was weakness. It was the opposite of the strong, decisive image I thought I needed to project.
So I built my armor. In meetings, I spoke with certainty, even when I felt unsure. When projects faced setbacks, I focused solely on solutions, ignoring the anxiety my team (and I) were feeling. I avoided difficult feedback conversations, opting for vague niceties. I thought I was being a “strong” leader. In reality, I was building walls. My team kept me at a distance. They hesitated to bring me bad news. Innovation stalled because nobody felt safe enough to suggest a half baked idea. My armor was not protecting me; it was isolating me and suffocating my team.
Then I read Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead. It was more than a book; it felt like an intervention. Brown’s research cut through all my preconceived notions. She argued, with compelling data, that vulnerability is not weakness; it is the birthplace of courage, connection, and creativity. She explained that the armor I was wearing was not serving me; it was holding me back. That book did not just give me a new leadership philosophy; it gave me a practical playbook for taking the armor off.
The Big Lie: Why We Confuse Vulnerability with Weakness (and Why It’s Killing Our Leadership)
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Why are so many of us terrified of being vulnerable at work? Because we operate under a pervasive myth: vulnerability equals weakness. We associate it with crying, oversharing, or emotional instability. But Brené Brown defines it differently. Vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It is having the courage to show up and be seen when you cannot control the outcome.
Seen through this lens, vulnerability is at the heart of almost everything we admire in leaders:
- Giving honest feedback requires vulnerability.
- Asking for help requires vulnerability.
- Admitting you do not know requires vulnerability.
- Trying something new that might fail requires vulnerability.
The opposite of vulnerability is not strength; it is armored leadership. It is perfectionism, cynicism, blame, and the constant need to be right. And this armor, while protecting our ego, prevents us from building trust, fostering psychological safety, and creating the conditions for true innovation.
The Courage Toolkit: Mastering the 4 Skills of Daring Leadership
Dare to Lead is not just a call for vulnerability; it provides a teachable framework based on four core skill sets. These are the tools you need to take off the armor.
Skill 1: Rumbling with Vulnerability
This is about leaning into difficult conversations, emotions, and situations instead of avoiding them. It is about having the courage to address conflict directly, give honest feedback, and navigate the messy realities of human interaction.
- In Practice: Instead of avoiding a tough feedback conversation, schedule it. Start by stating your intention clearly (“I’m sharing this feedback because I care about your growth”). Use specific, behavioral examples. Listen to understand their perspective. It will feel uncomfortable. That discomfort is the feeling of courage.
Skill 2: Living into Our Values
Values are meaningless if they are just words on a wall. This skill is about getting crystal clear on your core values (as a leader and as a team) and then translating them into specific, observable behaviors. It is about closing the gap between what we say we value and what we actually do.
- In Practice: If “collaboration” is a core value, define what that looks like behaviorally. (e.g., “We actively seek out diverse perspectives,” “We share information openly,” “We celebrate team wins over individual ones”). Then, use these behaviors as the standard for giving feedback and making decisions.
Also read: How Shared Values Can Empower a Team
Skill 3: BRAVING Trust
Trust is not built in grand gestures; it is built in small, consistent moments. Brown provides a powerful acronym, BRAVING, to break down the anatomy of trust:
- Boundaries: You respect my boundaries, and when you are not clear about what is okay, you ask.
- Reliability: You do what you say you will do.
- Accountability: You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
- Vault: You do not share information that is not yours to share.
- Integrity: You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy.
- Nonjudgment: I can ask for help without judgment.
- Generosity: You assume positive intent in others.
- In Practice: Use this acronym as a diagnostic tool. Where is trust breaking down on your team? Which specific element needs attention? Focus on building trust brick by brick through consistent, reliable actions.
Also read: Why Trust Matters
Skill 4: Learning to Rise
Vulnerability inevitably means you will stumble. You will face setbacks. You will fail. This skill is about developing the resilience to get back up after a fall. It involves recognizing your emotions, getting curious about the story you are telling yourself about the failure, and writing a new, more courageous ending.
- In Practice: When your team experiences a setback, do not brush it off. Lead a “rumble” about it. Acknowledge the disappointment. Get curious about the contributing factors (without blaming). Identify the key learning. Define the next right action. Model what it looks like to learn from failure, not be defined by it.
Also read: A Huge Work Failure Crushed Me. Here’s the 4 Step Process I Used to Build Resilience
Your First Step: Simple Ways to Start Leading More Vulnerably Today
This does not mean you need to spill your deepest secrets in the next team meeting. Start small.
- Admit you do not know: The next time you do not have the answer, say so. “That’s a great question. I do not know, but I will find out.”
- Ask for help: Identify one small task you are struggling with and ask a team member for their expertise.
- Share a small, relevant struggle: Briefly mention a challenge you overcame that relates to the work the team is doing. “This reminds me of a project early in my career where I made a similar mistake…”
These small acts are deposits in the trust bank and signals that it is safe for others to be human too.
Courage Over Comfort
Reading Dare to Lead was not comfortable. It held up a mirror to all the ways my armored leadership was holding me and my team back. But it also offered a more courageous and infinitely more rewarding path forward.
Vulnerable leadership is not about being soft or weak. It is about having the courage to be real. It is about choosing integrity over optics, connection over protection, and growth over comfort. It is the messy, imperfect, and deeply human work of building teams where people feel safe enough to show up, take risks, and do their best work together. It is the future of leadership.
If you are ready to cultivate courageous leadership and build a culture of trust and psychological safety, explore FocusU’s leadership development programs inspired by these principles.
